Dante's Daily Schedule
by Pimpmaster3000
Summary: Yes that's right. Dante has to do the same daily chores we do, except in a sort of different way!


I do not own Devil May Cry, or anything else in this fic!!! Please don't sue me! *whimper* On with the fic!  
  
  
  
"Ahh, what a nice day!" Dante thinks when he wakes up from bed.  
  
"Time to check my Dmail (Devilmail)," he says as he gets out of his bed.  
  
He walks over to his laptop and turns it on. In the background of his computer there is a picture of the Devil bent over farting out flames with Devil May Fart written in flames above it.  
  
He opens up Outlook Express 5. His password is "Dante Rocks!" Like you give a shit.-_-  
  
"Hmm.What's this, Devil category (Yes, "Devil category")," he thinks. He opens it up;  
  
I wish you'd go to hell and see what it's like, asshole!!!!O_o  
  
"My adoring fans."^_^  
  
He turns off the laptop. He opens up his closet to get dressed.   
  
"Hmm. What shall I where," he wonders. The closset is all full of the same thing; red overcoat, red shirt, red pants, and black boots!  
  
" I think I'll take this one!" he says.-_-  
  
He picks up his wallet from his dresser.  
  
"Oops, almost forgot!"  
  
He walks back to the dresser and picks his famous hand-made ivory pistols, a double barrel shotgun, and a grenade launcher and puts them inside of his overcoat. Then he walks to the door and picks up his sword, Alestor and puts it in a sheath on his back.  
  
Off of the table he picks up a Fire Gauntlet.  
  
"Just in case," he says.  
  
He opens up the door and walks outside.  
  
"Supermarket, here I come!" he says when uses the Devil Trigger, Alestor, and flies to the supermarket. Dang that was a long sentence!  
  
'Devilmarket' "gees, is everything named after my video game?!"  
  
He walks in and gets a shoping cart.  
  
"Let's see; condoms, Viagra, hot dogs, ground beef-"  
  
"Would you like sausage, sonny boy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"How about now, sonny boy?"  
  
"No! And stop calling me 'sonny boy'!"  
  
He tries to walk away, but...  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No!!!!!"  
  
"Well, OK," says the old woman.  
  
Dante starts to walk away.  
  
"How 'bout now?"  
  
"NO!! I DON'T WANT F***ING WANT A F***ING SAUSAGE!!!!!!!!  
  
He turns around and punches her with a flaming fist (the Fire Gauntlets)  
  
*WHAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!* "Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!"  
  
The old woman flies through the wall and out of the DevilMart!  
  
"Now I will though," and Dante pours the WHOLE platefull of sausages into his mouth and swallows them without chewing.  
  
O_O O_O Everyone in the supermarket is staring at Dante.  
  
"Get back to you shoping!" he yells.  
  
Everyone quickly gets back to their shoping.  
  
He walks up to the cash register person...thingy...  
  
When the zit-faced teenager (his name is 'Phil' -_-) cums--I mean comes ^_^;; *cough-cough*--to the condoms he says, "Good with the ladies are we?"  
  
"Shut the hell up!" says Dante. All of a sudden Obi Wan Konobi apears out of nowhere. "Social skills, social skills. Woowoowoo!" He disappears in a puff of pink smoke.   
  
"O_o" says Dante. Wait a second, how can Dante say that?! Oh well...  
  
"Alright, your total comes to $203.00." says Phil.  
  
"WHAT!!!" cries Dante. "Screw this!" H pulls out a shotgun.  
  
"Um...Sir, what are you doing?!" the all-mighty cashier says worriedly.  
  
"What do you think I'm doing. I'm going to blow off your head with this shotgun and hi-tail my ass out of here, but of course since this is a fanfic the cops won't come after me!" explains Dante.  
  
"Oh. Well proceed." says Phil as he sticks his head out.  
  
"Okay..." says Dante confused.  
  
*BLAAM!!! SPLAT*  
  
The cashier falls over with his head blown off, spewing out blood.  
  
Dante turns to you, "Watch this."  
  
Ten minutes later...  
  
The cashiers neck is still spewing out blood!  
  
"See." says Dante.   
  
"Well time for me to get going."  
  
He turns into Alestor, and oddly no one in the whole supermarket has noticed either of these seens, and flies to the bank.  
  
Well, I never thought Marrionetts had any use for money, but they are robbing the bank. Weird, huh?  
  
"What-abuh...abuh... Marrionetts are robbing the bank?! Well time to save the day again and destroy it at the same time."  
  
He lands, goes inside the bank (Oh, and by the way the bank's name is Devil's Bank.), and is just about to slash a Marrionett in half when it says, "Wait! Let's sit down and have a chat."  
  
"Okay..." says Dante dumbfounded. Ooh, tongue twister!  
  
Twelve minutes later...  
  
"...So for some reason the Devil Emporer wants a bunch of money." says the Marrionett.  
  
"So where were we?"  
  
"I was about to slice you in half." says Dante.  
  
They get in their exact same positions and Dante chops him in half with his sword. You might have guessed, if your not a retard, that all the money and Marrionetts are long gone.  
  
"Damnit!" says Dante.  
  
A plot hole opens up and Nelson from The Simpsons falls out, "Haha!"   
  
Dante kills him with his shot-gun.  
  
"Oh well." he says as he walks to the ATM machine. He rips off the front of it and all of the money spills out. He picks up most of it and then flies home.  
  
"Ahh, now to play 'Devil May Cry'!"  
  
Just when he's about to beat the game, *Ring-ring!Ring-ringRing-ring!!* Dante still doesn't answer. *Pick up the phone, damnit!!*  
  
"o_O" says Dante as he picks up the phone.  
  
"Hello?" says Dante.  
  
"Hey it's Trish, you got a job. Lt's get to work." She hangs up.  
  
"Great..." says Dante as he puts down the phone.  
  
That came out pretty good, but I've written funnier before. Wow, I sure added alot more than I had written down. Who knows-I might do another Devil May Cry fanfic.^____^ 


End file.
